Our Village - by Droller (Michael Tangye)
Our vellage idn nawthen to write 'ome 'bout, like the ole man said when ee was spaiken bout Miss Angear - but tes 'ome to we, an there idn nowhere like it. Ask William John Davey ef these dusnt blaive me. Back in 1923 ee made up es mind to go to 'Merica. Ee up an packed es bags, said "see gen" to everybody, an climbed the 'ill out awve the vellage. Time ee got up top ee was blawin like a porpas, so ee cluckied down an sat on the case ebm fur a brayther. Glaazin back, down on the vellage, ee thought 'bout all es friends, an said to isself "Damme tall! I must be a gate bufflehead! There edn no plaace like 'ome!", so ee turned roun an come 'ome.

But things 'ave changed, an we got a brave few furriners 'ere now. They don't talk fitty - these cusn't understan' a word d'say! Some da spaake like somebodyweth a 'ot taatey en their mouth, an some da sound like a duck en a bussa!

Dick Enny Tresidder, Richard John Pelmear an meself was chattin' 'bout all the ole characters we use to knaw in the vellage when we was all Cornish, an knawed each other, an everybody 'ad a nicknaame. There was 'Shaake Eye', when he got maazed ee would git in some stank you. 'Is face an eyes would go like a blud pit, an the ole eye ebm would shake to bayte the band!

Then there was 'SHAAVINS', ee was the local carpenter, an used jaale up through the vellage goyne like a maale, with the 'ead ebm like a mulla, and gaggled with glue an' shaavins. 'LORD EGGSHELLS' was mighty preedy, an thought ee was a cut 'bove everybody else - jus' cause ee 'ad a besness sellin' 'ins eggs! We used say ee weighed 'eavier out of scales than ee ded in en! Ee was a large pattern, surenuff, ee was always last in chapel so everybody would glaaze at'n as ee traipsed up front in 'is Sunday toggery, titivated up eyes - all doudified like. Ee always 'ad kid-gloves on, an' carr'd a spare one. Messus Uren said to en one day: "Scuse me Maister Thomas, but 'ow ee come carry a spare glove weth ee all the time? Fraid these goyne lose one art tha?"

"Theese aught knaw," ee said, all grand like, "I do ave two to wear an one to flinkey!" Then we 'ad 'JEMMY I KNAW' - ee thought ee knawed everything - these cudn tell'n nawthen! Ee was another one that was brave swellish, but all ee knawed ee larnt from the back of the chimley to the hale door. Well, thas few taales bout our vellage. Tidn the saame now; everybody's 'ome cluckied down roun' the Tay-v en the ayvnins, an theese dustn't see a sawle. Payple don't come roun' fer a cup a tay an bit coursey like en the ole days - but we got memries, an we da scat our sides laffin when da chat 'bout et!