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Page 3 of 4
No, I aren’t gettin’ above meself! Look, my ’ansome, we’re goin’ from bad to worse here. I’m some sorry if you took offense at what I put in the magazine. There, tha’s a ‘pollogy for ee if you de like. If anyone de think you’re mean because of what I wrote then I shall say ‘I’m sorry’ in the magazine and that you gived me some ’ansome socks for Christmas last year and you aren’t mean at all. Now, will ee have a dish of tay or wain’t ee? You better, cos that Dundee is drier than I thought ee was and you shall have to give un a bit of a soak in the tea or ee’ll chuck ee!
How do I do the articles? Well, my ’ansome, I de just sit down and think about how things was, years ago, and ideas de just pop into me mind, like. Then I de start off typin’. No I cain’t type proper but I got a bit speedy recently, with the practice. Only three or four fingers and a thumb like, not like they maidens who de do it all without lookin’ I cain’t understand how they de do that at all. And they don’t make half so many mistakes as what I do neither. No, my lover, I don’t use no typewriter. I got a little computer off the internet for next to nothin’ and I de type it into that and when I de take un down to the office, they de do somethin’ and, ’fore I de knaw what’s what, there ee is on the screen in the office with all they little wriggly red and green lines, lookin’ some pretty. That Mr Pengelly de say as the red and green bits is all the mistakes but that I aren’t to get vexed about it at all. ’Ee may be a bit of a caudle when you de bring un in’ he de say to me, ‘but a few minutes work with the spell check (whatever that is when ee’s at home) and the spellin’s is all rich and rare. Ee de look the same afterwards to me but ee de say as how ‘that’s because I de write in dialect and the computers de spell in American.’
I said to un, ‘gosson my bird, I de write in the Queen’s English, even if me spellin’ is a bit rusty’ and ee said ‘righton booy, you keep writin’ for the Queen and we shall be happy ’nough.’
Anyhow, writin’ these ’ere articles. Once I got a idea and start off writin’ about un then somethin’ else de pop into me ’ead what the first thing reminded me about. Off I de go after that one, goin’ like a long dog, and somethin’ else de arrive. If I aren’t careful then I de forget about things before I got chance to write about ’em. Nowadays, I de keep a bit of paper by me and jot ’em down to remind me later. Ee’s amazin’. I b’lieve I forgot half the things I de remember. There now, that’s a bit Jan Stonish if you de like. Jan Stone! Don’t ee knaw about ee? But then, you’re from Penzance, aren’t ee? And over to the eastard too if I de recall. Jan Stone was a beauty! He lived in Newlyn years ago and had a very special way of lookin’ at things and there was loads of jokes told about un. Most of ’em was daft and made up but my Granny said as how she knew un well and he was a bit special. My Uncle George’s favourite Jan Stone story was about when he had to meet sombody, very early in the morning. They were s’posed to meet up on Newlyn Bridge and Jan was told that if he wasn’t there on time then his friend would go without un. “How shall I know if you been and gone or haven’t got there yet?” asked Jan.
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